Silence About Porn Addiction in the Church – Not Golden
- gregg34
- Sep 17
- 18 min read
Updated: Oct 6
faith-based group says ‘culture of silence, isolation’ in churches keeps men, women trapped in sexual addiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. (October 7, 2025) — A majority of Christians feel okay about viewing pornography, according to a new book.
“Our surveys show that only 20% of Christians with a history of porn use wish they didn’t use it at all, and half say they are comfortable with what they do,” says Nick Stumbo, executive director of Pure Desire Ministries, a faith-based nonprofit that tackles porn and sexual addiction.
But Stumbo sees the devastating impact of porn and sex addiction every day, including the men, women and families in America’s churches.
He’s made it his mission to set them free.
More than a decade ago, Stumbo — a third-generation pastor — experienced himself what he describes as “life-changing hope and healing” from his own sex addiction. Surveys show that two-thirds of pastors have struggled with porn.
“A redemption story is the best kind of story, but it only happens after a kind of death occurs,” says Stumbo, co-author of the Oct. 7 book release, Hope, Healing and Freedom. Watch the book trailer here.
He hopes his “redemptive” story and the innovative lessons in the book will help men and women “break free from pornography, sexual brokenness, and betrayal trauma.”
The book release coincides with a crackdown on “revenge porn” — the distribution of intimate images without the consent of the other person involved — and the Southern Baptist Convention calling for an outright ban on the creation and distribution of pornographic material that generates billions of dollars annually.
One in Six Women Struggle
It’s not only men who struggle with porn. One in six women also admits viewing explicit sexual content, according to Pure Desire, which uses “clinically-informed, biblically-based counseling and therapy.”
“Powerful chemicals in the brain (become) fused into our way of seeing the world sexually,” says co-author Ashley Jameson, Pure Desire’s director of programs and partnerships. Jameson, who once struggled with sexual addiction, leads the nonprofit’s outreach to women.
According to Stumbo and Jameson, a “pervasive culture of silence and isolation” in America’s churches has fueled a “push-pull cycle of shame and curiosity,” simply telling porn addicts to “try harder.”
They say openness and accountability within a healthy church community is the path to freedom from porn and sexual addiction.
“When we face the challenges of life with others, we no longer need the coping behaviors that drive our struggles,” they said.
Their model of “hope, healing and freedom” — utilizing certified sex addiction therapists and pastoral professionals — has gone global, helping thousands.
The ministry will hold its national summit in Gresham, Ore., September, 19-20. Anyone wanting more information can go to www.puredesire.org.
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MEDIA: To schedule an audio or video interview, contact:
Gregg Wooding, 972-567-7660
CO-AUTHOR BIOGRAPHIES
Nick Stumbo
Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries and
Co-Author of Hope, Healing and Freedom
As a third-generation pastor, Nick Stumbo started his ministry career at the East Hills Alliance Church in Kelso, Washington. Serving as their lead pastor for more than a decade, Nick observed the fallout of sexual brokenness and devastation in the lives of men and women in the Church. He recognized, like never before, the need for a culture of grace and healing in the Church.
After facing his own addiction to pornography, Nick and his wife, Michelle, found hope and healing through the counseling and group ministries of Pure Desire. The experience radically changed their lives. His public confession to his church congregation led to a revival of forgiveness and healing, launching Pure Desire’s healing groups for both men and women.
Today, as the Executive Director of Pure Desire and a certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP) through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP), Nick passionately believes the Church can become a place of healing — and that Pure Desire leads the way to freedom from sexual addictions.
Nick earned a Masters of Divinity from Bethel Seminary in San Diego, California, and a Bachelor of Science from Crown College in Santa Cruz, California. He is the author of three books, including Setting Us Free, Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame, and Hope, Healing and Freedom, his latest book co-authored with Ashley Jameson, Pure Desire’s Director of Programs and Partnerships.
Nick is the host of the Pure Desire Podcast and a frequent contributor to Pure Desire blogs and documentaries on sexuality and addiction recovery. As a sought-after subject expert, he has appeared as a guest on Focus on the Family Radio and in other popular media outlets.
Nick and Michelle have four children, ages 14-21, and live in Nashville, Tennessee.
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Ashley Jameson
Director of Programs and Partnerships at Pure Desire Ministries
and Co-Author of Hope, Healing and Freedom
Ashley Jameson spent years in a pattern of sexual addiction, other addictions, and brokenness. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't seem to end the cycle. It wasn’t until her husband’s pornography addiction was exposed that she realized how “betrayal trauma” and a lack of biblical and practical wisdom in her own life was keeping her trapped in brokenness. The excruciating pain and trauma of her husband’s porn betrayal drove her to find answers and healing for herself and her family.
Today, Ashley has overcome her brokenness and her own sexual addiction, and wants women and teens who feel stuck in their struggles and addictions to know they are not alone and there is hope. She knows firsthand the impact of walking with others through recovery and healing — and the joy of discovering freedom.
As the Director of Programs and Partnerships at Pure Desire Ministries, Ashley provides leadership and training to churches across the U.S. and around the world. She is a certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP) through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) and has been trained in the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM) through the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). She has been instrumental in training new leaders to advance the message of hope and healing in the Church.
Ashley’s honest transparency is refreshing — and her love for Jesus is contagious.
She has authored or co-authored four books, including: Girl Talk: A Guide to Help Moms & Daughters Have Honest Conversations About Sex; Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships, Betrayal & Beyond; 827 Authentically You, and Hope, Healing and Freedom, her latest book co-authored with Pure Desire Executive Director Nick Stumbo.
Ashley is a frequent conference speaker, podcast guest and contributor to Pure Desire blogs, and podcasts. She and her husband, Jon, live in Nashville, Tennessee, and have four children.
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Q AND A BACKGROUNDER
Nick Stumbo, Executive Director, Pure Desire
Ashley Jameson, Director of Programs and Partnerships, Pure Desire
How difficult was it to admit you were a porn addict (Nick)?
“I didn't think a pastor like me could be an addict. An addict was someone using drugs or paying for prostitutes. I just looked at pornography. I’d never thought about what I was doing as an addiction.”
How did your sexual addiction begin (Ashley)?
“I had sexual experiences at a young age. They were confusing to my young mind because I knew it was wrong. I didn't want to do those things because it made me feel dirty, but my natural curiosity often got the better of me.”
What is betrayal trauma and why is it central to your book (Ashley)?
“The betrayal felt by partners of those who struggle with sexual addiction is real trauma. People mistakenly refer to porn use as a ‘victimless crime,’ because there's no physical contact. Porn is not a victimless crime. There is exploitation and trafficking of those in the industry, especially women and young girls. And there is the very real betrayal and trauma experienced by partners of those who become dependent on porn.”
Is pornography really “a hidden pandemic” in churches (Nick)?
“There is a hidden pandemic of pornography use and compulsive sexual behavior among Christians. And it is undermining the marriages, relationships, and lives that God designed us to have. There is a pathway to healing and freedom, but most people have resigned themselves to struggling, believing this is just the way they are.”
Why did you want to write this book (Ashley)?
“Finding freedom from sexual addiction is complicated. It’s not just a matter of ‘trying harder.’ There are tools and strategies that truly produce lasting freedom, and we unpack them based on years of personal experience.”
Does porn really attract women, too (Ashley)?
“Pornography is largely still seen as a man's issue: ‘men struggle with porn and women experience betrayal’, or so people think. But according to our recent joint study with Barna, “Beyond the Porn Phenomenon,” it's very much both. Men experience betrayal, too, and women struggle with porn. If you’re a woman struggling with sexual addiction, you are not alone, and we can show you the path to healing and freedom.”
What evidence do you have that porn use is growing among women (Ashley)?
“Our recent joint study with the Barna Group, ‘Beyond the Porn Phenomenon,’ shows that women are struggling with pornography at increasing rates, considering nearly half of all women admitted to using pornography, as of 2023.”
What are the key findings of Pure Desire’s recent joint study with Barna (Nick)?
“In our recent study, “Beyond the Porn Phenomenon,” Christians were asked ‘how comfortable are you with using pornography?’ Only 21% wished they didn't use pornography at all. It is surprising that a majority of Christians say that some level of porn use really isn't that big of a deal. I think what we're seeing is Christians engaging in a pattern of rationalizing, minimizing, and denying behavior.”
Share how your journey to Pure Desire started with your own struggle (Nick)?
“So much of what I do at Pure Desire comes out of my own story. Unfortunately, from the beginning, sexuality came into my life in a way that was secretive and shameful.” As a boy, I was exposed to sexual content that really put this ‘hook’ in my soul. I was curious and wanted to see more, but at the same time, it felt wrong, shameful, and secretive. I became a pastor, and for 15 years of my life, I struggled with the binge-purge cycle of porn.”
Describe what you mean by a “binge-purge” cycle of porn (Nick)?
“Every time was going to be the last time. I would say things like, ‘Now I’ve got that out of my system, I'll never do that again.’ This would last for a month or two. And then I would be back again, binging on porn. And that's a pattern that stayed with me through my teenage years into Bible college and into my marriage and into my ministry. What I didn't recognize was that I was struggling alone. It wasn't until I was introduced to Pure Desire Ministries that my wife and I discovered there’s a different path.”
Why is there such a problem with ‘porn addiction secrecy’ in churches (Nick)?
“This is an issue that churches don’t like to address. It touches a raw nerve. It may affect church elders and leaders — even the pastor. Secrecy is the breeding ground of Satan, who uses it to spread sexual addiction and keep it hushed up.”
What do you mean by ‘pornography is not a victimless crime’ (Ashley)?
“Pornography is not a victimless crime – from any angle. In my teen years, I began to compare myself to the women that I saw in magazines and movies. Right there, it started creating a broken false-identity in me as a young girl, and false expectations of what was expected of me and how to get love. In this way, it's already messing with young minds from the beginning. We've got young men and women objectifying each other, seeing sex as ‘no strings attached,’ and even becoming violent. This is the tragic foundation of future families and marriages — sexual brokenness.”
Tell us about your journey with sexual addiction (Ashley).
“My journey with sexual addiction started really young. But four years into my marriage, I discovered my husband was struggling with porn. I also learned about his past with prostitutes. This betrayal rocked my world. I didn’t realize how traumatized and hurt I was, until I found Pure Desire Ministries. I was surprised to discover that Pure Desire’s addiction materials applied to me. I had a history of love-sex relationship struggles, which I believed would not cause problems. As I got into Pure Desire’s resources, I saw behaviors and traumas... eating disorders and shopping addiction. I was able to get to the root of why those behaviors were happening.”
How has technology impacted sex addiction in our nation (Nick)?
“Technology has definitely made our collective struggle with pornography much, much worse. We refer to the “Four A’s” of pornography: never before has it been more accessible, more affordable, more anonymous, and more abusive. With our smartphone, we are a click away from being into hardcore porn. It’s like carrying around an addictive drug in our pocket.”
Cocaine vs. pornography: what’s more addictive (Nick)?
“Pornography use can be even more addictive than cocaine. Pornography floods our brains with dopamine, the same hit that our brain would receive from taking cocaine. You don't have to go to some shady street corner, and you don't have to inhale or take any substance. It's simply on our phones.”
What’s the best way to protect our children and teens from porn (Ashley)?
“God designed us as parents to be role models and mentors to our children. Whether
we think we're doing a good job or not, whether we think they're paying attention or not, our kids are taking their cues from us. We need to be the safe place for them to come to with their questions about the things they don't understand, or experiences that happen to them.”
How is Pure Desire different from other counseling groups (Nick)?
“We're not just trying to manage behavior. We're not just going to say ‘pray harder about it.’ We're going to incorporate body, mind, and spirit into a journey of hope, healing, and freedom. The goal is to become someone who lives in truth and speaks the truth. We explore the wounds and trauma from our past that have caused us to believe lies about who we are, or where our value and identity come from. We're going to be transformed from the inside out.”
How is Pure Desire different from other counseling groups (Ashley)?
“We often hear how people went to non-Christian counselors who didn’t encourage them to honor God with their sexuality. Or they’ve gone to Christian therapists or taken advice from mentors in the church who tell them to ‘read their Bibles and pray morning, noon, and night.’ Personally, I did all those things, but I was still trapped in my addictive patterns and trauma. Pure Desire takes biblical principles and sound clinical data — and puts everything together so that we change the way our brain works, just as the Bible instructs us to ‘be transformed by the renewing of your mind.’”
PORN: JUST THE STATS
Statistical Backgrounder
According to recent statistics on porn use, stories like Nick and Ashley’s — as told in “Hope, Healing and Freedom” — are common, best-kept secrets in America and American churches today.
61 percent of U.S. adults view pornography — and 84 percent of this group say they don’t have anyone helping them avoid pornography.
Nearly four in five men (78%) and nearly half of all women admit to using pornography, as of 2023.
About two in five Gen Z and Millennials view pornographic content daily or weekly.
Research suggests that online sexual behavior plays a part in more than half of divorces (56 percent).
Nearly half (48 percent) of porn addicts say no one knows about their struggle with porn.
Christians and Porn
There is very little difference in the daily and weekly porn habits between Christians and non-Christians.
75 percent of Christian men, and 40 percent of Christian women, view porn.
Only 45 percent of practicing Christians say porn is “very bad” for society.
Half (50 percent) of Christian porn users are comfortable with their porn use.
Only 20 percent of Christians with a personal history of porn use wish they didn’t use it at all.
The Business of Porn
The porn industry brings in more money than the NFL, NBA, and MLB, generating between $15 billion and $97 billion per year.
More people view porn every month than those who use Netflix, Amazon Prime and Twitter combined.
In a single month in 2023, a major porn site had 700 million more views than Amazon.
Porn, Families, and Abuse
72 percent of people who struggle with sexually addictive behaviors come from an environment where they experienced physical abuse; 81 percent come from an environment of sexual abuse; 97 percent experienced emotional abuse.
77 percent of those with addictive behaviors come from a home with strict rules.
87 percent of people with sexual addictions grew up without a positive, nurturing relationship with their parents.
HOPE, HEALING AND FREEDOM EXCERPTS
“I didn’t think a pastor like me could be an addict – to me, an addict was (someone) addicted to drugs, or who went out and paid for prostitutes. I just looked at porn every once in a while.” (pg. 7)
“I didn't think my problem was that serious, and I certainly didn't think I needed that kind of intense help... but my wife knew we did.” (pg. 6)
“Maybe you have an image in your mind of the kinds of people who typically struggle with these addictive behaviors. Maybe you think of a sleazy man cat-calling women on the street, or women who talk or act a certain way. maybe when you think of sexual addiction you think of the lonely, old man locked up in his apartment, or the awkward teenager who spends all hours online. The truth is, those who struggle with sexual addiction look a lot like me — and a lot like you.” (pg. 10)
“The profile of those who struggle runs the entire spectrum... from pastors to teachers, from ex-convicts to military heroes, from teenagers to elderly men and women. No one is exempt from... the web of sexual addiction.” (pg. 20)
“People mistakenly refer to porn use as a ‘victimless crime.’ The betrayal felt by partners of those who struggle is real.” (pg. 30)
“Betrayal trauma is real, and most partners who discover that their spouse has been using porn experience that trauma.” (pg. 31)
“Because of a lack of conversation within the church about sex and sexuality, we're led to assume... sex isn't something we should talk about or ask about. The danger... is that we end up thinking it's probably not something God has much interest in.” (pg. 35)
“The use of pornography increases dopamine output even higher than sex, and maintains that output for far longer. Even an extremely addictive drug like cocaine... starts decreasing in output much faster than pornography.” (pg. 46)
“The experiences we have as children around sex and sexuality often follow us long into our adulthood. Powerful chemicals in the brain fired through our neurons for the first time in those early experiences, and they became fused into our way of seeing the world sexually. If we don't address them, they can lead to unwanted sexual behaviors that often turn into addictions.” (pg. 53)
“If you've experienced sexual abuse or some other kind of trauma, you don't have as strong of a watchtower in your brain saying that you'll be okay. The trauma actually changes the formation of our brains. But there's good news. These changes are not permanent... even the most ingrained unwanted sexual behaviors can be done away with.” (p. 55)
“The distorted view of sex I developed as a child, due to early exposure, had led me to a lifelong binge-purge relationship with porn. It was killing me on the inside, driving me deeper and deeper into darkness, and destroying my relationship with my wife.” (pg. 66)
“(Addiction) to porn or soliciting prostitutes or sleeping around can’t be addressed by simply turning off the computer or not leaving the house... true transformation only comes about by changing the way we do life.” (pg. 67)
“Changing the way we think... is the key to long-lasting, permanent and beautiful transformation. The patterns and the lies and all the things that have become part of the way we do life have to change. We have to break the molds we’ve been pressed into and let God transform us.” (pg. 87)
“Negative habits grow in the darkness of isolation, like a fungus that flourishes in the dark.” (pg. 118)
“At every Pure Desire lesson, we make a commitment to change: we each say what our greatest challenge will be in the coming week, what our plan is to deal with it proactively, and who we will check in with to communicate how we’re doing.” (pg. 177)
“So many are drowning in the sexual aspect of their lives, hopelessly addicted to porn. If you’re the one who’s struggling or who has emerged from a life of struggling, remember this: you can be a beacon of light for countless others who are currently caught up in the midst of struggle and feel very little hope. You can shine the light of God’s goodness; you can show a very good gospel to those who feel lost.” (pg. 185)
HOPE, HEALING AND FREEDOM:
WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING
Endorsements
"There has been a need for a practical and biblically-based guide for those struggling with pornography. Hope, Healing, and Freedom is that book. Although it is rooted in research, it also includes deeply personal insights and stories that will give you the hope and confidence that with grace, truth, community, and a proven strategy, porn addiction can be defeated."
SEAN MCDOWELL, PH.D., is a professor of Apologetics at Talbot School of Theology, the author of Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture, and a popular YouTuber
"This is a powerful, down-to-earth resource that will help you understand your struggle with porn and find God's redemption through it. Nick and Ashley don't just believe freedom from porn is possible, they have both personally experienced it. They bring biblical wisdom, personal stories, and scientific research to encourage you that you too can experience healing and freedom!"
DR. JULI SLATTERY, PH.D., president/co-founder of Authentic Intimacy, author of Rethinking Sexuality and God, Sex, and Your Marriage
"Hope, Healing, and Freedom is a powerful, compassionate guide for those navigating the pain of sexual struggles and betrayal trauma. Nick Stumbo and Ashley Jameson offer not only practical tools and hard-won insights, but a pathway to authentic transformation. This book is a gift to individuals, couples, and communities seeking healing and wholeness."
DR. JAKE PORTER, founder, Daring Ventures & International Association for Couple-Centered Recovery
"Hope, Healing, and Freedom is a refreshingly honest and normalizing conversation about sexual compulsivity, betrayal trauma, and healing. With transparent personal stories and insight from decades of recovery ministry, Ashley and Nick offer readers compassionate support and a compass for transformation. This book is a treasure for individuals seeking healing and freedom. Every church needs this book!"
JENNA RIEMERSMA, LPC, CSAT-S, best-selling author of Altogether You
"All of us reach a point in our sexual lives when we quietly— or desperately-ask, Is this it? We long for, and were even promised, connection and beauty. But instead, we often find ourselves stuck in shame and disillusionment we can't seem to shake. Nick Stumbo and Ashley Jameson understand this terrain deeply. In Hope, Healing, and Freedom, they offer not only the heart of fellow travelers-those who know our pain and longings firsthand-but also the wisdom of seasoned guides who walk with us through the hardest valleys. Their remarkable kindness and knowledge invite us to consider that our sexual difficulties are not the end of the story, but an invitation to begin writing a more hopeful future."
JAY STRINGER, licensed mental health therapist and author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing and Desire: The Longings Inside Us and The New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow
"Those who struggle personally with problematic sexual behavior, who have been betrayed by a struggler, or who want to help these individuals will all benefit from Pure Desire's Hope, Healing, and Freedom. Nick Stumbo and Ashley Jameson share vulnerably about their personal experiences with struggles, betrayal, and recovery, and they cut through the stereotypes about these issues.This much-needed book offers accurate information, practical strategies, and hope for a different future through a grace-filled Christian approach combined with sound clinical strategies."
MARNIE C. FERREE, MA, LMFT, CSAT, founder, Bethesda Workshops, author of No Stones - Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction and Out of the Doghouse for Christian Men
"Hope, Healing and Freedom is a courageous and compassionate guide for anyone caught in the devastating cycle of sexual compulsivity or the life altering shock of betrayal. Written by two voices who know this journey intimately-this book offers not only deep insight, but a clear and redemptive path toward lasting recovery and restored relationships. What makes this book truly powerful is its authenticity. It does not shy away from the raw realities of pornography, sexual infidelity or the deep wounds it causes, yet it offers hope through Nick Stumbo and Ashley Jameson who as you will see are living billboards of real change."
DR. SHERI DENHAM KEFFER, author of Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal and founder of The BraveOne Community
"We Christians tend to get a little squirrely when talking about pornography and compulsive sexual behavior. Sometimes we launch straight into Bible study, focusing on verses about lust. At other times we turn clinical, using only psychological and neurological terms. This book is different. In everyday language, Ashley Jameson and Nick Stumbo describe a proven program that is both biblically and scientifically sound. Their stories are relatable, their program reliable. This book is a must-read."
NATE LARKIN, founder of the Samson Society, author of Samson and the Pirate Monks
"How can the church become a place of healing for Christians struggling with unwanted sexual feelings? Hope, Healing, and Freedom, published by Pure Desire Ministries, offers compassionate and effective strategies. The authors introduce us to the findings of neuroscience, with its message that even deeply rooted behavioral patterns and compulsions can be changed. Neural pathways can be rewired. There is indeed hope and healing."
NANCY PEARCEY, professor and scholar in residence at Houston Christian University, and author of several bestselling books including Total Truth and Love Thy Body
"In a world drowning in sexual confusion and shame, Nick Stumbo and Ashley Jameson offer a Christ-centered path to hope, healing, and lasting freedom. As someone who's lived the devastation of sexual brokenness and now walks in restoration, I'm deeply grateful for resources like this-biblically faithful, clinically wise, and spiritually transformative."
JOSHUA BROOME, author, speaker, and Executive Director of Walk Worthy, AACC
"For anyone on the recovery journey from pornography, compulsive sexual behavior, and betrayal trauma, Hope,Healing, and Freedom is a must read. Through their honest and engaging experiences, Nick Stumbo and Ashley Jameson share their personal stories of struggle and redemption. With the right tools, a safe community, and the Holy Spirit active in your recovery, all things are possible!"
SHANNON ETHRIDGE, M.A., author of 22 books including The Sexually Confident Wife, The Fantasy Fallacy, and the million-copy best-selling Every Woman's Battle series
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